Learn what makes a good friend

You’ll need

Coloured pens or pencils
Scrap paper
Scissors
String
Hole punch

Before you begin

Use the safety checklist to help you plan and risk assess your activity. Additional help to carry out your risk assessment, including examples can be found here. Don’t forget to make sure all young people and adults involved in the activity know how to take part safely.
Make sure you’ll have enough adult helpers. You may need some parents and carers to help if you’re short on helpers.

Planning the game

Put two signs at either end of the meeting space. One sign should say ‘a good friend’ and the other should say ‘not a good friend’. You could also use smiley and sad face emojis, or different colours.

Play a game

Gather everyone together in a circle.
Ask everyone what it means to be a good friend. They may have ideas like sharing, helping people who are struggling, and being kind and helpful.
Everyone should stand in a line in the middle of the space.
Read out one of the 'Friendship scenarios'.
Everyone should take a moment to decide whether the sentence is about being a good friend or a not so good friend.
Count to three. When they reach three, everyone should move to the sign that matches the sentence - either if they think it’s something a good friend would do, or something not a good friend would do.
Everyone should move at the same time. Try to encourage people to make up their own minds, and not just copy their friends. Remind people it’s OK if people have different opinions. Being a good friend involves listening and respecting differences, and friendship can be complicated.
Ask some people why they decided to move to that sign. They may think about what’s likely to happen next in the situation or how the friend made other people feel.

Make helpful hands for the friendship tree

Tell everyone you’re going to make a friendship tree. It’ll help us remember what a good friend is.
Everyone should draw around one of their hands on a piece of coloured paper, then cut it out and write their name on it.
A responsible adult should make the tree trunk. They could cut a tree shape from brown cardboard or paper, or even get creative with paint or wood. If you don’t want to (or aren’t able to) make a tree, you could create hands in the same way and string them up, such as via bunting or hanging them on some branches in a safe vase.
Everyone should draw or write some examples of what makes them a good friend on their paper hand. People could give each other some ideas too—sometimes it’s easier for our friends to notice how we’re a good friend to them.
Remember, the sentences from the game may help people think of ideas, but people should try and be specific if they can. They may be able to think of a time they shared something with someone, when they asked an adult to help someone, or when they helped someone else.
Everyone should decorate their paper hand, and then cut it out.
Ask everyone to attach their paper hands to the tree. They could do this by making a hole with the hole punch, then using the string to tie it on to the tree like the stem of a leaf.
Tell everyone to admire their friendship tree and look at all the good things a friend should be.

Someone teases you, but you tell them you don’t like it and they stop.
Your friend kicks the ball onto the school roof on purpose after you told them not to and you can’t get it back.
Someone lends you their colouring pencils when you forget yours.
You’re playing a game. You tell your friend you want to stop, and they call you a mean word.
Someone pushes in front of you in a queue.
You get Star of the Week at school and are excited, you keep telling your friends about it all lunchtime.
Someone says ‘excuse me’ when they need to reach past you.
Someone lies to you about what they did.
You said you’d play with someone at lunchtime, but then another friend is sad, so you play with them instead.
Someone always wants to go first in a game and bosses people around.
Your friend pretends to be someone else online to send you mean messages.
Someone comes to cheer you on in a football match.
Someone teases you about your new haircut.
Your friend is whispering to another friend and keeps looking over at you. You go over to them and suddenly they stop talking.
Someone helps you tidy up.
You see a packet of sweets in your friend’s bag, they have lots, so you take one.
Someone took the book out of your bag without asking because they wanted to read it.
You friend takes an embarrassing picture of you in fancy dress and shares it with everyone, even though you said you didn’t want them to.
Someone asks you to let them copy your homework, otherwise they won’t talk to you any more.
You want to join a game with a group of people, but they won’t let you in.
Someone pinches your face and calls you a mean name.
Every time you sit on the carpet, the person behind you pokes you in the back.
You tell someone not to talk to someone else because you said so.
Someone teases you about your name.
You tell someone a secret and they keep it.
Someone helps you cut out a tricky shape.
Someone tells the teacher you did something mean when you didn’t do it, just to get you in trouble.
You lend someone a book. When they give it back it has a page missing, but they don’t tell you.
You lend someone a toy and they won’t give it back.
Someone promised you they’d sit next to you on the bus, but you find they’ve sat next to someone else.
You forgot your money for the shop on a school trip, so someone shares their money with you.
You’re stuck with your writing and someone offers to help you.
Someone shows off and tells you about a sleepover they had with someone else to make you jealous you didn’t go.
Someone gives you a sweet, but says your friend next to you can’t have one.
Your friend won the prize and you refuse to talk to them because of it.
Someone asks you to help them tidy up, but then they walk off.
When you’re talking, someone carries on whispering to their friend.
Someone builds a den, but says you can’t come in, although other people can.
Someone asks you to meet them somewhere on the playground at break time, but they never show up.
You spill your drink and someone gets some towels to wipe it up without being asked.
You lend someone a toy and they give it back and offer to lend you one of theirs.
Someone makes up a rumour about you and tells lots of people.
Everyone listens politely when you answer a question.
Someone says ‘thank you’ because you helped them.
Someone says they’ll invite you to their birthday party, but then they don’t.
Someone tells you you’re not very good at PE during the lesson.
You and your friend lose a game, but you blame them and say it’s their fault.
Someone laughs at you when you ask them to help you spell a word.
You’ve been left out of a game and someone stops playing to look after you.
You tell someone a secret, but they tell everyone in your class.
Someone offers to help you set up a game.
You don’t want to play a game, but everyone says you have to or they won’t be your friend.
Someone sees you crying and ignores you.
You’re playing a game with someone, but someone else is starting a better game, so they stop playing with you and go over.
Someone breaks their pen, but swaps it with your new one without asking.
You ask to borrow someone’s favourite toy and even though they’re worried they let you play with it for a bit.
You can’t tell the time yet. You ask someone what the time is and they laugh at you.
You lend someone a book. When they give it back it has a page missing, but they tell you and say they’re really sorry.

Reflection

This activity was a chance for you to think about what makes a good friend. Does knowing what makes a good friend help you to be a better friend? Everyone should think about their friends—they could be at school, at Scouts, or at another club. Why are you friends with those people? How are they good friends to you?

Sometimes it can be scary to join a group where everyone else is already friends. How could you be a new friend to someone new joining your group? Everyone should take it in turns to share their ideas. People may think about making sure they’re not on their own or lonely, smiling, saying hello and introducing themselves, explaining what things mean and what to do, and using kind words.

This activity also helped you to care about other people and their feelings. How does it feel when other people aren’t good friends to you? What would you do if you saw someone not acting like a good friend (for example, at school)?

People may speak to the person kindly, show them what to do, or ask a grown up for help. How does it feel when you’re not a good friend to someone else? What can we do if we don’t act like a great friend? We can say sorry to anyone we’ve hurt and think about how they feel, and then we can learn from our mistake and try to be a better friend next time.

When you made your Scout Promise, you promised to try your best to be kind and helpful. Does this help you to be a better friend to others?

Safety

All activities must be safely managed. You must complete a thorough risk assessment and take appropriate steps to reduce risk. Use the safety checklist to help you plan and risk assess your activity. Always get approval for the activity, and have suitable supervision and an InTouch process.

Active games: The game area should be free of hazards. Explain the rules of the game clearly and have a clear way to communicate that the game must stop when needed. Take a look at our guidance on running active games safely.
Scissors: Supervise young people appropriately when they’re using scissors. Store all sharp objects securely, out of the reach of young people.